Saturday, May 2, 2015
Jerry Lee Stoker
On the evening of May 1, 2015, family and friends of Jerry Lee Stoker gathered at Myers Mortuary in Roy, Utah. The turnout was more than expected and Myers opened up additional seating. Long time friends of dad, Lynn Taylor and Bob Pleskin showed up. I had not seen either of them for so long and I know that dad would have been happy to know they were there. As my cousin Tony Greenwell officiated, he introduced Dad's neighbor and friend Ricky Carlson to open with a prayer. The Utah National Guard played taps, gave us a grand Flag Ceremony and presented the Flag to dad's wife of 20 years, Maria "Laling" Stoker. Grandson Joshua Stoker read the obituary and cousin Johnny Richards sang Don McLean's Starry, Starry Night accompanied by Andy Mair on guitar. Dad told me long, long ago that he wanted me to play this at his funeral. It was such a treat to be able, not just to play the song, but to have a performance of the song! Tonya's turn was next. She worked on her eulogy all week and didn't tell me what she was going to say. What she said touched us all, made us laugh and made us cry. This is her speech:
Josh riding dad's motorized bicycle.
Katelyn Halbritter, Denise Durrant, Madelyn Halbritter
I wanted to take a minute and express my gratitude to Jerry...without him, I would not have my family.
There would be no Jeff or Jennifer, no Juli, Denise, Josh, Kate, Maddie, Kensley or Bryson. I am thankful to him.
When I met Jerry for the first time, I met the Jerry that most everyone here has had the pleasure, or not so much of a pleasure to meet...those who know and love Jerry know what I am talking about and for those who don't I'll explain.
You see, Jerry was like a box of chocolates. You never knew if you were getting a nut, a rum ball or a smooth and melty caramel. He always had at least a hint of rum but I preferred the smooth and melty caramel with a little nut because it was at those times, I got to know the real Jerry. On these occasions is when I could see the qualities in him that I recognize in my husband, children and grandchildren, I saw a man with a good and loving heart who was kind, generous and tender. A man who had strength and intelligence and a spirit for great adventures. A man with a quick wit and a hilarious sense of humor. A man with a spunk, sassiness and zeal for life that had a way of drawing people to him. It was also at these times he would share with me his sorrows and regrets. I wrote a poem that shares some of his thoughts and feelings that he shared with me and I'd like to share them with you.
I did not always live my life as I meant for it to be.
I've been hiding in dark shadows so no one would ever see.
I would rather have been on adventures with my son; and have my daughter near to me.
To know my grandchildren better and bounce them on my knee; I just never found the strength and courage to ever be set free.
I missed out on the yesterdays and tomorrows I could not find, this thing it had its grip on me and has left me in a bind.
I truly love my family, I fear I let them down. But how can I make it up to them? I can't bear to see them frown.
I felt they were better off without me so I was rarely there. And now it pains my heart to know they'll think I didn't care.
I do hope they can forgive me for what I did not do, and find an understanding in their hearts that all my love for them is true.
~Tonya Stoker
Jerry was very hard on himself. I don't think he had any idea that we could see his good heart and that he meant a lot to everyone in so many different ways.
In closing, I would have three wishes for Jerry:
1) He knows how much he is loved and will be missed.
2) That he have a chat with the big man upstairs and get the target for the Stoker's removed.
3) That he knows his true legacy is alive and will live on, that his fear of leaving nothing behind of himself to be remembered is unfounded, that he left the best parts of himself in his children and grandchildren.
We will not remember him for his faults but will reflect on his qualities of having a good, loving heart, his kindness and generosity, his sense of humor and zeal for life.
Thank you.
Everyone was touched in some way by Tonya's eulogy.
After Tonya, Dad's nephew Tony Greenwell spoke. He told a story how Jerry and David would protect their little sister Mariann from her suitors...something related to the tool that Grandpa Ivan used to dock the sheep!
Tony opened the floor to remarks from the audience. Aunt Mariann told us a story of one of Jerry's motorcycles. Thinking back, I'm quite sure it was his old Norton Commando. I didn't even know this story! An aquaintance of Jerry's brother John brought this motorcycle over so they could figure out how to get it started without a key. Being the mechanic and tinkerer that John was, he started looking at this motorcycle. It seemed really familiar to him and he thought he knew why. He called up Jerry and asked him, 'Remember that bike that was stolen from your place? Do you still have the key?' Jerry said yes and brought it up. Much to their amazement, the key FIT! Jerry's motorcycle had come full circle and found its way back into the Stoker family. I hear tale that my cousin now has that very same motorcycle in her back yard.
Cousin Diana went up and told a story about Jerry and David teaching them to shear sheep. They put Diana's little sister on the sheep to 'hold it down' then had Diana give the sheep a snip - off the sheep went with Jerry and David standing there laughing!
Jerry's sister Karen told stories of their dad Ivan driving too close to the edge of the cliff of a mountain road and that he probably wouldn't have worried so much if Jerry would have sat down and quit watching the edge from the window. She also told us about how Jerry was the protector of David. When he and David came home late, he would go in first to get the wrath of their dad while David snuck in the back and avoided trouble. When asked why he always went first, he said it was because he loved his brother.
I went up too. I actually went up first. I had so much to say. I stood at the podium, looked out over the crowd, was overwhelmed by how many people were there. Inside I felt like a 'deer in the headlights.' I told the group, "You know how everyone has a Crazy Uncle? Well, mine was MY Dad! I spoke about the adventures but that's truly another story, or stories! I wanted to say the things that nobody knew about. How my dad stayed up late with me, cigarette hanging from his lips with his arms around me, helping me build a model ship. How he taught me how to read. I made him read me Dr Seuss' Hop on Pop over and over til I could read it by myself. I like to say he taught me how to read...maybe I just memorized it! Together we watched Nova on PBS every Tuesday night. How he taught me to play chess and I, in turn taught my son Josh to play. That is part of the legacy as Josh is now the Chess Club President by being the most skilled chess player at his high school. I'm also sure that not many people knew that dad ran the hurdles in High School Track. His grandchildren Katelyn and Joshua also run track. Katelyn the 100M and 200M sprints and Josh has ran 400M, 800M, 1600M, 3200M, the 4x400 and 4x800 relays and many, many 5K's at the Region and State levels. Dad also taught me to sail. His last sailboat was featured in a beautiful picture in the newspaper. The boat was silhouetted against a golden sunset. I remember dad being disappointed the the sail was not quite taught enough because there was a wrinkle in it. Josh has also picked up Dad's love for sailing vessels and motorcycles.
Other stories were told then a video slideshow made by Katelyn Halbritter was shown. It included pictures of Jerry, with a couple of his favorite songs: Fields of Gold by Sting and Runnin' on Empty by Jackson Browne.
We wrapped it up with a closing prayer by Andy Mair, and adjourned for a dinner at the church of ham, potatoes, salad, rolls and cake.
We really appreciate all of the assistance we received from Myers Mortuary in putting this together. I was overwhelmed by the turnout of friends and family.
Dad will be missed but his funeral was a celebration of his life that I will not forget.
Here is a highlight video:
Tonya's complete speech:
Video Slide Show:
8/26/2020
I made a couple of edits to this based on my current relationship. The stories are still there and this post brings memories to my heart and tears to my eyes. I have to keep it because it is about my dad.
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